Lost in the Clouds

Lost in the clouds, of my mind and the mountains of Sikkim. It's raining in the mountain capital of Gangtok. I came here to explore and to learn more about this earthquake that has devastated the state. Here in the capital though it is hardly felt other than the conversations I've had with people who tell me that the buildings were swinging from side to side and that no one had ever felt anything like it in all their times living here. Gangtok is on a mountain side, the whole city is on a Park Street like incline in Ashland. Basically it's steep! I can only imagine what it must have been like to be here during the quake. In northern Sikkim is where the damage has been dealt. Landslides caused by the tremors wiped out entire villages, carrying away everything in their wake. There have been almost 100 reported deaths here, 11 in Nepal, 7 in China and 1 in Bhutan. One person whom I was speaking with told me that the death toll is somewhere nearer to 1,000 but the government doesn't want the real statistics getting out. The damaged areas are restricted, roads blocked by landslides as the army is flying in relief supplies and trying to help the survivors. This is a disaster to an already poor and barely accessible region. I'm sending my blessings to the survivors.
I was in Chitwan, Nepal when the earthquake struck. I went back to Ramu's farm before leaving Nepal. We had gone looking for Rhinos. We'd stopped at one of the park entrance gates, we were talking, sitting on top of two concrete pillars when the tremors happened. I was shocked, being the first time I've ever felt the earth shake like that. But they were only a fraction of what happened in Sikkim.
My mind is lost in the clouds, taken over by forces without. I've come to Sikkim on a whim, rather than stay at my friends steel manufacturing company in Siliguri. Sanjit, we met trekking in Nepal, has taken me under his wing. He's been amazingly kind, inviting me to come and stay with him. To experience another part of India with his guidance and help. But at the same time, Siliguri, a large sprawling city of industry and business, doesn't have much to offer me. Other than wild rides through Indian traffic, so I headed to the mountains to see the famous state of Sikkim, currently devastated by the September 18th earthquake.
The lack of writing as of late is reflecting my conflicted state of mind. I've been having trouble lately, internally, about my direction and what it is I'm actually supposed to be doing with myself. When I left the USA almost a year ago I was unsure of why I was going ,I just knew that I had to go. After wandering, alone, without the support of anything familiar. I've melted, joined with the forces of the world and have been picking through the pieces of what and who I am.
The boat I've been using to ride the waves of my adventure has capsized, and I've been left alone in this sea. Before, the swells would lift me into the sky, giving me a glimpse of where I was going before plunging me into the holes between waves. Now, without my precious raft, holding me above the dark grey waters. I'm just struggling to hold my head up, to breathe air, not water.
I'm still just smiling my way across the country, yesterday I think I made at least 50 people smile. All is good, even if my mind can't seem to find itself.